All Black and Blue. t(‘.’t)

Have you ever heard of the phrase, the good guys always get beat up first before they actually win in the end?

Well, right now, I’m all black and blue.

Things happen for a reason, that’s what I believe in. But sometimes, you can’t help but question that reason. Sometimes, the end doesn’t justify the means. Sometimes, things don’t go the way it supposed to be.

My failing for example.

All the time while I was studying my “supposedly” last semester in my last year in college, I kept thinking that I’m doing enough — that it was a sure pass. I know I studied hard enough. Despite the fact that I’m also working, I did try EVERYTHING to make things work …  but it didn’t.

I guess March 2012 isn’t my month at all.

I definitely don’t think so.

What happened in March?

– First, got thrown away to a team with an earlier schedule.

– Second, due to that, I had to live far away from my family.

– Third, due to the first and second, I had to adjust to my new surroundings. Get familiar with new people and adjust to their behavior.

– Fourth, I had to study for my finals exam.

– Fifth, due to the fourth, I had to endure scoldings from my boss  for sleeping in during work hours and for asking yet another change of schedule every week. I had to endure my professor’s hint of my SURE failure in her class. (I was confident that I’ll pass it you see… I’m soooo sure I did everything.)

– Sixth, the shock of failing which almost turned me suicidal at the thought of not graduating this May since everyone was looking forward to it.

– Seventh, Without having yet recovered fully from the shock of sixth, I had to endure the idea of the pain I know I have inflicted among my loved ones.

– Eight, Without recovering from any of the things that happened, I enrolled in Summer class and had to endure all the pain while congratulating my classmates for their much-awaited graduation pictorial that I didn’t participate in. I had to attend the first day of my summer class.

– Ninth, getting the news of dissolving my summer class after being informed of the possibility of graduating this May together with my classmates.

– Tenth, finally, the happenings sunk in and I finally felt it… I finally understood everything… I talked to my mom… and finally… after everything that happened… I got to cry.

I’m still feeling everything up until now. But I have decided to RESET my life. April is going to be my another chance. I’ll take another attempt at life. After everything that happened, It couldn’t possibly get worse… could it? I don’t know… but I’ll find out soon enough anyway and I’m in no rush at that at all.

Right now? I feel like a newly washed rug. Before, I was dirty and unrecognizable and I had to get soaked in cold water, get twirled in order to dry… get beat up in order to take out all unnecessary things… and… finally… let me dry up in the sun where I’ll face it proudly… where shadows will definitely fall behind me.

———

I made this draft April 1, 2012.

Right now, this is the report:

Right now, even in April, the admins of our school are conspiring against us and kept denying our request to continue our class this summer.

In actuality, we are not supposed to be having problems anymore. We did everything we could… got the OKs from the higher officials but some people… like the Chairperson of management department and our University registrar are finding any means to stop us. The fight is only between the professors and officials though.

The chairperson is asking as to what will be the salary of the professor… would it be for tutorial or for  regular summer class. We are regular summer class and that is NOT our problem as students right?

Apparently, he wouldn’t give us a professor unless we present him with a note from the University registrar which denied us because one of our classmates is taking this subject in advance which also wasn’t our fault as students. My classmate was able to enroll it so she did.

They have personal fights and We, students are suffering!

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