Note: Google Translate, don’t fail me now.
If I am not much mistaken, the title reads, “Let me study!” 🙂 It is written in Hangul, the Korean alphabet.
Even before the “KPOP wave” reached the Philippines, I am already looking for ways to study in Korea. It’s not just in Korea, by the way. I was trying to find international scholarships for Filipinos since I was in High School. At that time, Filipinos are only familiar to KDRAMAS or Korean Dramas and any international dramas including Japanese Dramas and Spanish/Latin Dramas.
I always wanted to study abroad. Not that I don’t believe in the teachers/professors here in the Philippines and their teaching methods, it’s just that, I wanted to try something different for myself. I’ve lived my life being compared to my family — I have always been their proud daughter or sister because of that, but sometimes, I keep wondering, what kind of life would I be leading if they’re not there to back me up. I have lived my life being taken care of by other people because I’m the daughter or sister of someone they know.
I really want to study abroad. Almost most of my time in front of the computer — if I’m not reading Mangas or listening to music, I look for different opportunities to study abroad with scholarship so that the financial burden of my stubborness will at least be taken care of. But alas, to this day, I still haven’t secured any scholarship at all. Despite the many opportunities offered by different countries, I haven’t found the right scholarship for me.
Don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of scholarship opportunities that are being offered, it is not the number of scholarships that I’m worried about, it’s the requirements. Because, whenever I check the requirements for a scholarship, I wonder why, I never qualify. It’s not the grades, sometimes, it’s the age requirement or sometimes, it’s the working requirement.
And now, I am set to graduate on May 2012 (high hopes to graduate, of course) what else could I do with my life? After graduating, everyone will either expect me to find a job (using the 4-year course that I was FORCED to love) or continue my studies in law school (which I know, my whole family doubts I’d finish or pass — with good reasons too.)
For me, all I wanted to do was study different languages and culture. I want to go to different places, meet new people everyday, I want to get lost and find my way out in a place I’ve never been. I want to make my own name without their help — just their support is more than enough. Then, while doing so, I’ll write about all of my adventures, experiences and the things I will learn in my journey. But… it is really, just my wishful thinking.
The Sad Truth…
The things I want to do, is not for money-challenged people like me. I will become, probably, like all the other graduate people, either working or a bum. I will soon force myself to forget this dream — of studying and of travelling and writing — this wouldn’t be a first for my dreams anyway, to be set aside and forgotten. I will
probably regret that decision in the future, but I guess, I just have to live with it, like the other people.
Although, to this day, I’m still a stubborn youth in transition to become an adult that’s why I’m still looking and still pursuing my dream (without the full knowledge of my family so that, if I couldn’t find one, they wouldn’t pity me or be sad for me and if I found one, they’d be proud of me the same way I’m proud to be their family.) If the time comes that I have to give up on my dream and live in reality, no matter how unwilling I am, I will let go of it.
**That’s the truth that most of us youth live with everyday. My friends from high school are either married, living together with their partners, taking care of their own children, studying or working. I have to look happy for them and keep a straight face whenever I tell them about college life. I make it a point that I wouldn’t make them feel that I don’t like the life I’m leading whenever they tell me that I’m such a lucky person. If you think about it, I really am lucky since I get to study in college while they are taking care of their own families.
One of my high school friends told me, while we were in their house celebrating her daughter’s first birthday that dreams and reality is like the sun and moon, they’ll never meet. And on the rare occasion that they do — well, there it is, RARE occasion. If it happens to you, then better not let go of that opportunity, but if it doesn’t, just laugh it off like you always do.
Those are the wisest word my friend ever told me. And because of her, my stubborness doesn’t sound bad anymore. 🙂